In Memory of Days Past - Grand Central Market Music

Before the time of the pestilence, people use to gather to listen to music. Sometimes it just so happened to be in places where people were eating.

 

I found this on one of my old hard drives. I think I didn't upload it before because I couldn't make it perfect. 

I was busy. Or wrestling with doubt about the value of posting music for the sake of music.

This is a time of book banning. Art being shamed for being dirty. 

It won't be long until they will come for the music. 

Anybody's music that isn't their music.

So I'm posting this in defiance, just in case. 

One Breath at A Time

Never let it be said that I don't have a thing for gizmos. I like things that help people communicate. 

This is a online app called Jiitter.Video. It helps you to make gifs and videos. The good thing about it (and I'm serious) is that it limits you to 60 seconds.

Image of woman performing a meditation practice .

It is designed to help you quickly make motion graphics, text animation and moving doo-dads.

I like it because it is not freaking After Effects. No disrespect intended. 

After Effect is a great program. Wonderful but stiff learning curve, the cost is high and I have yet to make time to learn how to work with it.

Because I haven't got any time.

Anyway, this service allows me to tippy toe into it.

So I'm making small baby steps of progress. 

Like I should be doing because I do not know how to do the whiz bang kinda stuff.

I want to make visuals to help inform folks about stuff.

That has been a long time goal.

I might be getting close to making something...acceptable.

The reason I like the limitation is that with other software that does similar stuff I get lost or overly hyped on what I could do. 

Two hours later, I haven't done a thing because I don't know how.

This rascal limits the duration of the video or gif. If you want more you can have it. 

Sixty seconds at a time.

This means I have to figure things out before I can go forward. 

Now they do have templates and a person with a lick of talent could knock something out in ten minutes. 

I only have a shred of it so it takes me longer.

That is okay. 

I want to teach with it. Not to make a knock off of a soda pop commercial.

Sometime Reaching Across Lines Is Filled with Peril

I was on the bus, minding my own business deep in my shallow thoughts. Woman interrupts me asking me do I know the woman hugging up on P45.

I'm civil but I respond, "No I don't."

I turn away from her.

She asked again about another photo.

I then recognize her being the aunt of Martin Luther King.

She then proceeds to show photos of members of the King family who are with P45 during an MLK celebration at the White House.

"They are are rich and prosperous."

I'm really trying to reconnect with the Plexiglas window.

Then she wants me to look at a blog with a famous African American historian who explains that MLK was and would have remained Republican.

Then she commented "This has nothing to do with slavery. Do know about slavery? "I just wanted to educate you and other people about how MLK was a Republican."

That about ripped my last nerve.

"That may or may not be the truth, there is a spectrum of political participation in the African American community; some liberal, some conservative and some centrist.

I will not take the word of some woman on a blog about it. I am not conservative and I am not interested."

She then got on the phone and told somebody to paint the washing machine and that a prospective tenant was angry because the two bedroom apartment wasn't.

I immediately went to the store and bought a box of Orange Creamsicles.
I didn't fall of the wagon. I ran into the store and bought them. I can't do this sober any more.

Misconceptions and Fear Equal Confusion

I love mass transit. It is a laboratory. It is a rolling mental health waiting room. It is the best of us and the worst of us locked in communion.

This is my testimony.

I was gazing out the window, looking at the mountains behind man-made buildings and wondering for the #1875 time what have they witness, what came and disappeared.

I noticed a group of people waking down the street. Two by two. Focused.

There was a sign but I couldn't read it. Then a whole bunch more people started walking down the street. They appeared to be almost all white people.

"That's strange."

I thought to myself. I kept trying to look for a sign or a reason for this to be happening. Was it right-wingers or Tea Party people?

I didn't see any sheets or confederate flags tatted on anybody's body.

They weren't loud, or talkative. They just walked.

Still, I got a little twitchy. Recent events have made everybody a bit more nervous.

The gentleman in the seat behind me was beginning to freak out.

"What all them white folks walking down the street for? It is a protest or parade or something?
You know they don't walk if they don't have to; must be something bad going on!"

And then his imagination leaped like a rocket; pulling up all the recent pain and hurts. He went from zero to 60 in two minutes, getting louder and more agitated.

I'm still looking for a sign. A poster. Anything to restore the silence quo.

This is my fault. I should have had my glasses fixed. I got to where I needed to be and got off the bus.

I crossed the street.
I stood on the corner.
From a small distance, I watched them go by.

It was a walk for suicide prevention. Many had tee-shirts with the phase Out of the Darkness.

Oh. Yes. People been off worlding themselves at an accelerated rate.

And then I kept looking. Where the black folks? The Asians and Latinos?

Might have been in another part of the line.

I don't know.  I was having a moment of intersectionality* between mental health, race, fear, depression, the unknown and burning desire for some Blue Moon bread.

Some days are just so dang confusing.


 *Intersectionality (or intersectional theory) is the study of overlapping or intersecting social identities and related systems of oppression, domination or discrimination.

Not Very Good At Letting Go of CDs

I've got software. Maybe too much. I'm looking for the burning software that I know I have so that I can burn an .iso file. I need to burn the .iso file to make a bootable CD to get into my prior computer because I have forgotten the password.

I need to get into that box to get the registration number for the prior version of the burning software so that I don't have to pay full price for the new version if I can't find the prior version software.

Which may or may not work on a 64-bit system.

www.aldaily.com

I just found a CD with bookmarks from 2002 with hundreds of links to long gone websites. Or sites that I should visit more often but I forgot that they existed like Arts & Letters Daily.

This is why people need an RSS Reader. So that people like me can have breadcrumbs back to the sites that mattered.

In 2002 everybody was still rattled by the economy. I seems to have spent a lot of time on job sites and Craigslist. It was also the start of the freelancer sites where you could compete for a job through a web interface. That changed when people from other countries came in and under-bid the Americans off the site.

That hurt.

I was hanging out at survival and self-sufficiently links. Not what you think, these folks provided information on how to stretch a dollar or urban food gathering aka supermarket dumpster diving. No weapons were involved.

There were links to a long gone free magazine called ComputerUser. A lot of links to digital photo sites from GeoCities; heck a lot of GeoCities links period. It was the place to go for fan pages and info on obscure topics.

A lot of the early digital video sites that I visited but couldn't do anything with because the technology wasn't consumer friendly. But I kept an eye on it just the same. I was into radio drama from the looks of it; still am only now I go to drama podcasts sites.

So much has changed.

But not my need to quit procrastinating on household chores and finding that software.

And yet, I wonder if I can find that link to the site that had people being intimate with the trees for charity? Yes, that one is exactly what you think it is but I seem to remember the lush greenery more than anything else.

Do Not Yell If You Are Losing Your Voice

I going on a four day head cold that has resulted in a strong desire for sleep and a very raspy voice. I am now talking in a whisper. During the day as long as I kept it in a whisper my lack of voice was just an annoyance.

Talking on the phone was a challenge but I pushed out enough air to be heard. Then I did something stupid.

I was trying to talk loudly into the phone so that the other person could here my incredulity of the situation. In my defense, I was responding to a stupid situation.

I can't tell you what it was though. But I can make up an example.

Customer: I want to buy a Porterhouse steak.
Service Person: We just sell meat.

Customer: I know, I've been here before. I want to get a well marbled Porterhouse steak.
Service Person: We just sell meat. If you want some one to help you with your purchase you can make an appointment between 11:59 and 12:00 noon and someone might be able to help you.

Customer: You mean to tell me that you cannot open the case pull out the slab of meat that I want, weight it, wrap it and give it to me?
Service Person: I shouldn't even be wasting my time talking to you. I'm just the greeter.

I blew a vocal gasket. It hurts. After the call, what was an annoyance became a throbbing pain in the neck.

I got two glands expanding in size like golf balls inside of my neck.

I got a sore though that has yet to forgive me even though I have treated it to hot tea, Tam Yam soup, cold Ginger Ale and quite possibly a road trip for some un-authorized consumption of ice cream.

I feel like a failure.

I make time to listen to podcasts like Buddhist Geeks. I have meditation music. Breathing music. Other podcasts that tell me to take the heat out of the situation and be a living light of dispassion for good.

Dag Gummed It. I'm in Spiritual Special Ed once again. 

Spiritual Special Ed can be faith based. Or not. It is more of a pang of recognition that you have been in this place before and you promised that from this point forward you would conduct yourself in a life positive affirming manner.

You make it out of SSE. You seem to be on the path. And then, when it is important, you forget what you know and go on anger and instinct before you can get near a reflective mode.

Naw, I'm not getting any ice cream. I don't deserve it and besides I don't think dairy is good for a  combo cold/throat situation.

So that is my lesson for today. And from the feel of it tomorrow too.

Walking Away From the Shadows

This is about changing a portion of my life. I do not want to be one of those people that complains that their lives have no meaning or that the circumstances of my life cannot be changed. I do not want to be that person but at times I have been that dark cloud.

I'm trying new things and approaches. I'm scared. I haven't done some of this stuff before.

I shouldn't be so vague. 

I have a day job. It is okay for a day job.

But it isn't what I want to do for the next couple of years. Well,  I could but my spirit is calling me to pay attention to what it wants. I have ignored that spirit for too long.

I can't do that. Nothing wrong with it if that is your choice. I just can't.

With libraries closing my time spent learning to be a library technician/paraprofessional has not exactly borne employment fruit.

Now I do I feel I have gotten a great return on my investment, no complaints. I have foundation skills on how to find information and a whole bunch of information resources. I have connections with really cool people.

Everything that I learned in my classes has helped me be a better writer. Not a grammarian, just the writing part.

I just can't get a library job that will financially support me because we in this nation have hostility towards education and librarianship. No one wants to pay for it or anything else to support the benefit of their communities.

Dumb ass clucks.

Yet, if I tried to save enough for a librarian degree I would still in an employment quandary after graduation.

I was faced with looking for another career option. Again.

So, what am I gonna do? 

That is a good question.

For a while I just numbed out and focused on the day job; the day job that I had intended on leaving. I had to find a way to make peace with that and it took a lot of time. Making peace with my anger that the world did not turn the way that I expected.

It never does. Stupid world.

I needed to look at what I do naturally and what I like to do. I  see a rise in the entrepreneurial educators or resource bloggers/educators. I am noticing that there are huge chasms of information/education that are not being service, documented or even discussed outside of academia and I not sure even there because they don't seem to have focused on changes in their marketplace.

What I am seeing doesn't have a proper name yet. Or I don't know it. 

I see opportunities in the shadows. This is a very good thing. Being able to see opportunities instead of the shadows. The suckers co-exist with each other and it takes a shift in perspective to move from one to another.

So for this year or however long it takes I'm going to be taking real world and on-line classes exploring how to create instructional and educational media. I will be traveling to places I've never been. I'm laying cash money on the line as a down payment on my commitment to go foward.

I am being open to the possibility that once I try this path I might find that is not what I though it to be. It might not be a good fit. That is okay. So long as I am in motion. So long as I am willing to try.

Once more into the breach.

Applying Socratic Questions In Real Life

I don't want to be accused of poaching a good idea so I'm telling you from jump street that this post was inspired by David Straker's site, Changing Minds. Dude is deep into well of looking at the various forms of persuasion.

It was also inspired by some of the nuttiness about how we have discussions in America about very serious, complicated topics.The most recent set furor is about education.

The 2012 Texas Republican Platform does encode the belief system of many Americans. There is no point in denying it. The orginal text as printed and accepted by the convention is:

We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority.

I am not making this stuff up or distorting the text. You can read or download the 23 page document here.

Now to be fair, when asked by Talking Points Memo the Communications director said that the inclusion of the critical thinking statement was a mistake but it was approved and cannot be corrected until 2014.

Like Janis Joplin said, break a little piece of my heart. Except this does not make me feel good. Which is why I like hanging out at sites like Changing Minds.

You know, a Texas school could probably get in trouble linking to that site. This joint is nine kinds of deep kind of place

But this is where Socrates comes in. There is a list of Socratic questions. Those of us that actively use critical thinking skills (or want to) can employ these questions to get at the deeper intent of a speaker's message.

Now you shouldn't waste time on the stupid, the ridiculous or the mean spirit nature of personal attacks. Cause stupid is a finite form. You can't argue a brick wall or a group of people determined to create a system of living drones.

But if you are in a discussion with a reasonable person and want to understand what is being said this is a good starting point.  You don't have to ask the questions out loud but it couldn't hurt.

The Questions:

1. Why are you saying that? 
2. What exactly does this mean? 
3. How does this relate to what we have been talking about? 
4. What is the nature of ...? 
5. What do we already know about this? 
6. Can you give me an example? 
7. Are you saying?
8. Can you rephrase that, please? 

So if you got some brain cells to spare you might want to read the full platform of the Texas GOP and then, at your own person risk and responsibility, apply the questions to what you have just read. 

This is not for the faint of heart. I gave up after question 1.  Many because it is too nice a day to be wasting time inside dealing with a fear generated document.

It is fear based based document. It is about power and control. Hell, it is always about fear, power and control when it comes to modern politics.

Just so you know, I have the hots for HOTS and I'm not letting it go. The rest of you come to your own conclusions unless you live in Texas.

Programming School Dropout and Redemption

I've been avoiding telling folks this but it is time to come clean and start again. I am the beauty school dropout in Grease.



I hate quitting anything. Really, I can be guilty of hanging on for dear life until I get it done. Well, life snuck up on me and went booger-booger.

Strike 1. I was doing okay. I wrote my first program and thought my homework was done. What I failed to realize was there were a whole bunch of lessons underneath the first one. I catch that mistake two days before the first quiz and try to cram it down.

You can't do that with an intro Python programing class. I tried but it was painful.

Strike 2. My day job at the Salt Mine got crazy. I can't go into details but let me just say the widgets were asking questions of the whatsits and the whatsits were waiting on the doohickies and in the meantime salt is flowing all over the conveyer belt.

It was lunar baby, stuff was flying everywhere and all I had was a spoon.

Strike 3. I came home and tried again. I'm in Lesson two. I'm still learning vocabulary and programing at the same time. The dude shifted from vocabulary to concept and then from concept to implementation.

I was still on understanding the concepts when bango zoom he was talking about the rafinstinbonk.

It was over. I cured up in my bed, I knew I didn't have a flipping chance.

A Possibility for Redemption

A new session of the class is starting up on April 16th. I'm stubborn. I do not like not learning what I set out to learn. You don't get to be this old without picking up some life skills.

Boomer power baby!

I am gathering supportive tutorial materials:

Videos

Khan Academy has some programming videos:



I can watch or listen to these on my phone via YouTube.

Tutorials

One size does not fit all and I'm looking for re-enforcements.

• At Python.org there is a Beginner's Guide page for non-programmers to access tutorials and resources.
• There is another interactive tutorial at Learn Python.org.
• Python Turtle is for kids and those willing to think like one. There is no shame in my game. You download the software and the follow the instructions to learn concepts in order to move the turtle.
• Yes, there is a podcast for just about everything, this one is for young programmers so if I add the numbers my age I could be youngish.

What About Life?

I know. I could be setting myself up for a fall again. Salt is still shooting across the room but the flow is now in check for the time being. If I can get a better bead on the topic before the new session starts I'll sign up again.

If not, slow and steady will have to be my workflow. Monty would have wanted it that way.

(The programming language was named after Monty Python, which is nice to know but I still feel like a git.)

Lessons Part 2 - Learning That We Mirror Each Other

People are nosy. I am a people, therefore, I am nosy.

I try to control it but there are times when you just have to pay attention to other people’s business. I did not want to but I really had no choice.

Every once in a while I’ll buy a burrito from Chipotle.  I was standing in line and the person ordering before me put in her order for three burritos.

Like a drill sergeant she commanded what she wanted. Sarg wanted everything. She wanted extra of everything. Except for what she did not want.

I could see trouble coming.

When it came time to fold the burrito the laws of mass and space kicked in. The tortilla ripped a gash. Food started oozing like a scene from The Blob.

The server tried to move the heaping mass to another tortilla. Sarg became irate:

“That looks like garbage. Something you would feed a pig. I’m not a pig. Start over!”

I'm looking at Sarg.

No comment.

The food was thrown away. The server started again. Sarg told the server what she wanted extra again except for what she did not want.

I don’t know how it was possible but this time the burrito was constructed. Then the whole thing had to be done for the other two burritos she ordered.

My Turn

I was hungry. Yet a sense of culinary moderation flowed from within. I modified my order:

• Carne Asada
• No Beans
• Rice
• Corn
• Pepper/Onions
• Avocado

I bring it home and eat it. All of it. I am stuffed for the next four hours.

A few days later I watch the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead about this guy’s having a fruit and vegetable juicing fast as he interviews people across the country.



I don’t make it half way though the movie without swearing I’m gonna get a juicer.

I’ve checked out the high toned ones. They are very expensive. It will be awhile. In the meantime, I’m drinking water instead of soda and eating more veggies. Truth is, I am surrounded by temptation. And boredom. And other stuff too.  I’m stripping it away step by step.

My body agrees with making some kind of change. Sarg is still on my mind. I can’t seem to let that movie go until I do something. This is the back side of being nosy.
 
So, yeah. There are times when being silently, acutely observant of other people’s behavior is kinda sorta ok.

But not really.

Learn As If You Will Live Forever

Just learned about that quote. Once upon a time I had a fantasy about reading every book in a library. What I am saying, I still have that fantasy. Being open to new things and concepts is essential for me. I try not to let a day go by without learning something.

Anyway, I'm taking an on-line class on how to create a search engine. It is a basic introduction to a computer programing class. The students come from all over the world.

 So why would a 50+ something woman with a checkered arithmetic and math background take this class?

I'm brain starved. Learning helps keep me healthier. My day job doesn't do it for me and until I transition into something that does I need to diversify my skills.

I don't necessarily want to be a programmer but I do want to learn how to create different types of stuff that isn't being address by this current group of programmers.

I can't encourage women to take up tech if I won't step up and learn a bit for myself. I took a introductory class in the 1980s that was designed to weed out those of us that couldn't make heads or tails of the acronyms coming out of instructors mouth.

I wanted to learn but there was a techno - lingo barrier that the instructor felt we should have traverse from osmosis. Most of us got mercy C's in the class and my interest ended until the personal computer revolution.

So I take my fears and my curiosity and walk it down the hall to the frontier. I feel good about week 1 but who knows what I'll feel like in week 4.

Gotta try.

Trying to Understand Shamrock Socks in February 2012

I have no love for Valentine’s day. In this case, I mean I do not have any guy I’m going to be snuggling up to come February 14th. I am okay with that reality. At peace with the world. Tra, lah, trah, lah.

Okay, not not really.

It is Black History Month aka African American History and Heritage Month. The flag waving permissible issms are at a all time high and show no sign of dipping below the legal legal of sanity. The only grace I can take hold of is the the debates for the Republican contenders for the White House are taking the month off.

For the record, I am not associating the GOP contenders with Target.  The fact that the GOP contenders have tried to make people that look like me targets for their bile is beside the point.

And I do have one.

I was in Target. Target has black hair care products that I generally have to ride a bus three hours to get to a store that has the same stuff at a huge mark-up. I can get it $15 cheaper at Target.

Target has food, mostly processed food but the one near me has some fresh items. Target has clothes that fit potions of my body in a price range I can afford.

They have Valentine’s day stuff that is just about to go to half price. They have St. Patrick socks. Well, socks that have shamrocks on them.

I know what they don’t have. A decent affordable stand alone .mp3 player. A topic for another time. They also don’t have anything about celebrating African American History or Heritage Month. 

There are no banners. No placards. No streamers.  Not a balloon. Not fond of balloons anyway so that could be a plus.

I’m looking at those St. Patrick influenced socks and I am trying to figure out why are they putting the shamrock stuff out in February? I’m standing there internally scratching my head. 

Then it comes to me. Beer. 

On St. Patrick’s day everybody wears the green. Folks having no genealogical peeps from the island will be fixing corned beef and cabbage or at least reading about a heart healthy version in a magazine or newspaper.

There will be big parades that will be inclusive and exclusive. At least here in California. There will be beer drinking and some will even drink beer that is colored green.  Oh, and there will be green peppermint McFlurries and shamrocks on cookies.

You can sell St. Patrick’s day. 

You can’t exactly sell Black History Month. It is problematic.

If this was the 1970s you could move red, green and black socks.  It is not the 1970s anymore.  How about some “Remember the Dream” socks?  Well, perhaps not.

You could have posters in the stores with photos of historical ancestors but I’d be kinda worried which ancestor’s poster would wind up hanging in the toilet paper section.

Then you would have those folks that would complain. There is always somebody to complain but these particular people would complain that "there isn’t a White History Month so why should anybody recognize Black History Month?"

These same folks will be also be complaining through Women’s History Month, Latino/Hispano/Chicano/Mexicano Heritage Month and Asian and Pan Pacific Heritage Month. Some of those whiners will be debating again in March.

Really Not Picking on Target

We are told that everybody wants to wear the green for a day. Watch your local papers and advertising  circulars. A stereotypical green having nothing to do with living people to be sure but it is celebrated and sold with enthusiasm.

It involves food and beer and, well, that is about I know about the day.

Authentic Irish and Irish American history is fascinating, complex and is woven into the building of this nation. That isn’t what the commercial St. Patrick’s day is about but we do a strange form of let’s pretend.

Authentic African American history is fascinating, complex and is intractably woven into the building of the nation. It seems that folks would rather let the days go by.

A Moment Inside of Old Navy

Old Navy has been good to me. It is one of the few stores that accommodates the back of my front. Once every other month I traps in and purchase from the clearance section. It is the least that I can do.

One day I was trying to decide between an electric green blouse or some stretchy pants when this young lady walked up to me and asked if I would take her Old Navy Gift card.

The woman was a 20 something. She was immaculately dressed. Hair, make up and contemporary cool clothing that did not come from Old Navy. I imagined this is a person that wakes up two hours early just to look arrange her equipment so that she can begin the process of being so crafted.

I said, "I'm a customer, not an employee."

She was a little pissed but kept the smile going.

"I know that, I got the card as a gift. I don't...I don't shop here." Here was pronounced as if she was trying to find a sweater in a cesspool.

I could tell, this woman read Vogue or something I flip through once every three years. She was in the devil's lair and she didn't like it.

"I don't understand what you..."

"Could you buy my card? It has $26 on it. We can go to the counter and verify that there is money on it."

I said, "No"

The immaculate one stomped away in a huff.

I will never be that artistically and fashion sculpted. I understand, A friend gave me a gift card for a tech store a few weeks ago and I had to work really hard to find something I could use.

Never occurred to me to asked some stranger in the store to buy my card.

I found out yesterday that in California if you have less than $10 on a card the store will give you the cash.

But you can't buy class.

Or fake it.

Re-invention and Change - The White Hut

I needed down time. I have gotten up at 4 a.m. to write or cobble together items of interest for my blogs and others. I want to create and do things but I was force to realize that I need x amount of sleep and nutrition.

When one or both get out of balance I am not a happy camper.There is other stuff happening that I can't discuss but that life balance thing is kicking me into submission.  I got to find writing time that does not involve the pre-dawn hours.

This is a project I've been wanting to finish for chunk of time. I want to mix essays with video. This will not look that different from my other work but my goal today was to post a video.

The Whit Hut was a mom and pop restaurant in the Pasadena area. It closed in September 2011 and word has it that a new organic coffee house will be built. I'm sure that the new joint will not be serving up fat laced Pastrami on Rye. 


Part Two

I have to step back and think about what do I want to do. I want to re-claim a bit of my creative writing. I want to really get better working with video. I need a new career but I think what I want to do hasn't been invented yet so I have to pave my own path.

Not a bad idea but it can make a person nervous. Can you re-invent yourself again and again and again?

Yes. You can. It is not easy but I'd rather give it a go than to be among the walking dead.

That is not a zombie reference.

There are people that do the same thing day in and day out because it is safe. No deviation. No curiosity about what went before or what is to come. No hobbies. No vices.  No challenges. No goals.

Nothing. They live. The eat. They work. They sleep. It is enough for them.

Now if you are in any form of recovery and you aspire to this type of life go for it. I'm not talking about you. You have already lived a bit and you need routine and stability. Carry on and work your program.

For me, I want more. I want to access the untapped parts of my potential. I can't mess around, I'm coming up on another birthday in a few months and I want something to show for it.

I thought that 2011 was going to be a quiet year and that sucker did everything in its power to prove me wrong.  I might need a combat helmet for 2012.

Right now, it is a beautiful day and I have time for a nap, if I want one.

Not Writing The Prescriptive White People Letter

I have watched and listened as privileged white men tried to help the nation understand the problems and worth of poor black kids. If I am understanding correctly, which is impossible because I use to be a poor black kid, I am incapable of going to work, thinking long term and handling my responsibilities as an adult.

It seems I am unable of understanding my current and future situation in life. I did not know that I require intervention to help me move past my impoverished blackness of being. The fact that I had to use technology just to find out how incapacitated I am is beside the point.

I can't make this stuff up. This is Newt with his view on poor children. Excuse me, very poor children. Like poor needs a superlative.



Gene Marks article at Forbes understands the totality of the inequality but wants poor black kids to know that there is a way out via web apps, sites and technology.

I'm thinking Gene does not have a good grasp of the concept of being poor. There is no money. Food is dicey. You might not have a place to live. There are other concerns at the top of the list. Buying a computer is not one of them.

I have a mind to write a letter called "Dear White People..." I am motivated. These past two weeks have really lit me up to put pen to paper.

Hey, wouldn't such a letter be irresponsible? Would it be extremely biased based upon my limited understanding of the totality of the European American experience. Even thought that experience is pumped into my consciousness each and every day by media, literature and commerce.

Yet I feel compelled to try again.  I have a tremendous amount of anger at the embedded racism that is structured in this society. Not only is there embedded racism but if I, as a black woman dare call somebody out on it I get accused of playing some goddamn race card of victim-hood.

I have no race card. With the shit coming out of (some) white folks mouths these past three years I don't need any. Do you hear the ish coming out of mainstream political discourse? Against women, the LGBTQ communities or anybody that is not a white Christian male?

Yet I am suppose to give a calm, rational nuanced response some of the most noxious public thinking that has been romping around the country as political commentary.

Bullshit.

Hmm. Not really where I wanted to go with this. Still too much anger.

I want to write that I am a human being with inalienable rights provided to me by the Constitution of the United States and the 15th Amendment.

Naw, that don't get it either. Bunch of extreme constitutionalists want to revert back to the original constitution. They don't recognize my right to existence anyway.

I can't do it. If I can't write it responsibly, with accuracy, historical perspective, real life experiences and independent documentation to support my point of view then I should not do it.

I can't seem to write without wanting to toss in a couple dozen cuss words. That isn't good.

See, I know that such a letter would hurt people I love, care and respect. It would even hurt people I don't like. There is enough hurt in the world. I have no desire to add to it.

Still that isn't a good reason not to write a prescriptive letter to white people.

Yet people I know might might take offense that I am telling middle class white folks that they don't know how to raise their kids, that they are structurally defective as parents and I, being the 2nd cousin, twice removed from God, have got the scoop on how they could live their lives better if only they would listen to me.

The poor white folks are probably doing the same things as poor black folks, trying to take care of their families the best way they can in these days of denial. Denial being telling folks to get a job but that job has been exported oversees years ago.

Then again, if I am so all powerful knowing that I can solve the problems of millions of people perhaps my time could be better spent fixing the state or federal budget.

Or laying in the infrastruction of a national high speed rail line. Or full high speed Internet access for all, even in the most pastel sections of the country.

You know,  If could lay in that rail line by June then I wouldn't have to get in an airplane or spending time in TSA lines.

Change of plan. I need to attend to my areas of interests.

White folks will have to muddle through without my assistance.

Learning From Old Movies - The Animal Kingdom

I am coming up on my 1,000 post. I tend to think that I haven't don't anything a thousand times. Nonsense, we all have. We just don't think of them. Anyway, I needed an old movie fix. You rarely can go wrong with a Leslie Howard movie.

YouTube Link for The Animal Kingdom

Actually it was Ann Harding. I had seen another movie in which she scopes out a playboy with potential and decides to plot to marry him. It was a lesson on entrepreneurship in the depression. Ann's business was marriage, making her husband look good and keeping him happy. William Powell's business was to avoid marriage and responsibility.

Anyway, in The Animal Kingdom Ann and Leslie were doing the do outside of the bands of matrimony. They were the best of friends, were lovers and no strings. She goes off oversees and Leslie meets Myrna, who does love him but wants to recreate him into a proper rich dude. Which he does not want to be.

Moving on. This was a pre-code film. People talked about sex. Well, you do have to decipher quite a bit about sex in the film. Myrna used a sleeping gown to great advantage. She definitely roped the dope but you can only do that a few time before the dope gets to thinking that the rope is a harness and he doesn't want to be in one.

In other words, juicy gets em crazy but you can't keep it up. Most of the time.

The movie has a happy ending for two of the three leads. From the DVD cover you can get a clue.

When people talk about the simplicity and morality of an early time I'm not sure what time that would be. These weren't bad people. Leslie wanted his friend and his wife. His wife wanted him. His friend wanted to be left alone because she didn't want to be a homewrecker.

Life if complicated. Always has been. Always will be.

Sleep Is But An Illusion - Pre-Vlomo 2011

Not that I am comfortable at this time. I am not. But I miss being creative. It seems that my time is being spent informing folks of stuff, which I really like to do, but I don't get to create as much as I want to.

I have been watching the Tate Shorts on iTunes. There is also a Tate YouTube channel. Those things blow me away. All kinds of artists, some pompous, so to the bone authentic. There is a wack job or two but I like them as well.

So long as I don't have to live with them.

The implied point of watching those videos is do it.

So I am going to try to do a video today and for the next 30 days. I'm not an artist. I don't necessarily make great videos. But I like doing it.

That should count for something. I'm rambling. It is the lack of sleep. But not right now cuz I gotta go to work.

I am also going to gather other folks doing the same and post them on at http://vlomo2011.tumblr.com because having a centralized place to see other people's work seems like a good idea.

Where am I?

Whoa, gotta go.

Folks Don't Understand Being Broke

I was having a conversation with about the Occupy movement came up. My friend said something to the effect that instead of occupation what the young folks should do is collectively buy stocks in corporations and effect change from within the system.

Now, I might be misinterpreting his words or not understanding conceptually what he meant.  But I'm going with what I think I heard which is something to the effect of "there can be no change by what they are doing, get into the system and fight."

It is not a bad suggestion. Not a good one either. I get it that he is trying to find his answer.

I did point out to him that many of the people protesting can't find jobs or are locked out of employment. There was a gruff acknowledgement but then he said some of those people that support the movement could do it.

Not Really The Point

When I was broke, busted, unemployed and things where looking kinda dicey I can truthfully say that I did not have money to buy stocks or mutual funds.

I had choices like a bag of discount frozen french fries or toilet paper.
Off code meat or day old vegetables.
Finding soda cans that could get me bus fare to look for work.

I didn't have family to turn to. I did have people that took me to dinner once in a while. Thank Sprint for Craigslist. Other folks gave me good advice. . None of which involved going to a broker and putting a tenth of one percent of share on a company.

Being broke and fighting for survival is a full time job. It is more than just not having income. It is a feeling of being powerless. It is knowing that you are trying your best to do the right thing only to be told that you are a loser.

Gotta tell you that is a cultural mind fuck that hard to overcome.

Bootstrapping Is a Myth

I think people want to understand but we still have that mentality about bootstrapping. First you must have a boot. Then good laces. Then the foot to put into the boot. Libertarian 101 embedded in our fabric of influences.

That is not a bad thing. We as Americans pride or false pride ourselves as being self sufficient. And yet you need a community to support the making of goods and services. You need the infrastructure to be able to buy and sell. Skilled craftspeople are also necessary.

My point is that no, there is no self made anybody. We are interdependent with each other. We can chose the degrees of interdependence, and that is a good thing because there are some folks I want nothing to do with or held at arms length.

Yet applying the bootstrapping metaphore the questions still kick up. What do we do when industrial, manufacturing and many service jobs have been exported overseas? How do folks get a job when technological advancements have eliminated a range of labor and management positions?

You see, there is a space of disconnect that has to be talked about and damn if we are doing our best not to even try.

So no,  I am not going to tell folks scared silly about where the rent is coming from next month where to find a good broker.

I want to know more about alternative infrastructures and financial systems. Not to get rid of capitalism but maybe find other systems that helps folks cope a bit better than being told to shut up.

Libraries and Occupations - Then and Now

The library nerd in me loves that this video even exists. Matthew Battles is an author and librarian. His book, "Library: An Unquiet History" talks about how libraries constantly are re-invented for the needs of the time.



In this video, Battles talks about the 19th century Chartist movement paved the path toward the public library system we have today. Toward the end of the video Battles makes the point about how the camp libraries of the Occupy movement will also shape how we share information in the days to come.

For more info on the book:

• WorldCat Book Information Page
• WW Norton's book page with the opportunity to read an excerpt.
• Review of the book by John Kennerly
• Google Books information page with links of other folks talking about the book.

The BBC, Rastani and My Lack of Sleep

On September 26, 2011. Alessio Rastani scared the hell out of folks in the UK and Europe. He also worked my nerves something terrible. I was so messed up I couldn't even read or do anything worth a damn.



For those folks that can't see the video he basically said in a clear, assertive voice that traders and brokers don't care about governments or stable societies. They are looking for profit. The next money fix.

This is not news but he said it in plain English. That was news.

And the work that others folks are trying to do to save Greece and parts of Europe aren't worth the effort because traders and financiers are looking for safe ports for their money, even if they have to stick them in U.S. dollars. It isn't about governments, it is about what Goldman Sachs wants and needs for monetary growth.

What has that got to do with me or you?

Business as usual you say. Well, he also said that he has been waiting for the next drop so he can make some serious bank. A drop that will clean out bank accounts around the world.

I can say with painful memory that small depressions are bad enough. The pure hell of 2001 nobody should wish on any group of people. 9/11+Dot Com bust+Enron all in the same year was quiet enough thank you very much.

And this man speaks of that type of event happening again like a cash money wet dream. It turns out that Mr. Rastani is not a big time trader. He is more of a dabbler.

Rastani is not technically a fraud but he does not roll with the big boys. The BBC did not fully verify his actual qualifications to appear on the broadcast. He is just a man who loves to talk, he wants to be a public speaker.

Rastani got his big break.

And yet,what Rastani said is the truth.

Not about Goldman Sachs. It isn't just that company. Be real. 

We know there are people who would do anything to make huge sums of money. Ethics or societal responsibilities have nothing to do with it. In fact, we are being schooled that no one has any responsibility for anybody but themselves. The rest be damned unless you have money to buy you way out of perdition.

It is the truth that we need to prepare for a serious cosmic money azz whipping or fiscal re-alignment. It is the truth that no one in government or those that aspire to public office has a clue on how to fix this. None. There is no desire to do so.

We are in palliative care mode at the moment. We cling to the side show when the main attractions are just too much to witness.

We need to have alternative sources to our food supply. How are we going handle brown and blackouts? Skills for services or products is going to make a comeback but do most folks have something to trade? Actually no, what do any of us know how to do that does not involve electricity?

You will not catch anyone from this side of the pond say the words that Rastani said on the BBC.  He probably will not appear on any of the business or talking head American television programs. Really shouldn't have been on the BBC.

It makes what he said no less true.

That is why I was curled up in my bed trying to sleep with all kinds of thoughts romping through my head. I didn't sleep much at all.