Out On The Stoop is my exploration about things to know, talk about or experience these amazing times. The Stoop mantra is Think, think, it ain't illegal yet.
I am leery about talking about problems without attempting to have space for ideas and solutions.
I am weary of people finding excuses for damning other people to hell without having a slice of compassion or the ability to lean to the left or right to see another point of view.
And if you have been in hell how much grace will you receive for being less than perfect as you try to find your way out?
This is a talk by Bryan Stevenson. Among many things,he is the author of Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption. He was invited to speak at Google Zeitgeist.
This gentleman is a master speaker so he will draw you into the concepts he is trying to convey.
It is just under 27 minutes in length.You will not hear any of the presidential candidates go deep into solutions. They can't. They don't have any. And if they did the other side would be the obstruction force.
We, on the other hand, can come up with solutions. It can be flip positive.
She had sparkle blue finger nails and blue crocs. The words came gushing out like a faucet about how she was homeless for a couple of years and now she is not.
How she picks the wrong men because they are exciting but regrets it afterwards cuz they are nuts, and have, in her much cleaned up words, small equipment. How 67 is not too old for Bestey Johnson attire.
There was a lot more but you get the drift. This is a woman with a life that is parked to the side.
I am reminded that all forms of crazy are not bad. Life is to be lived and not always suffered through.
There has got to be some fun and joy in it or damnation what is the point?
I met a Debbie Downer days earlier and there is toxicity in communicating with people like that; everything is lousy, everything is rigged, there is no hope only compliance.
Blah.
I was thinking about Madam Blue as I was going through my day at the Salt Mine. I was seeing my own constrictions of L7.
I grow tired of wearing the mask of conformity yet I'll never get tired of having a roof over my head. Not proud of myself but I understand why I am doing what I am doing.
I also keep reminding myself that I will be back in the wild, one way or another.
With the current xenophobia running rampant in this country wrapped in patriotism it is hard to make the case that we need to listen.
Think. Reason it out. It does not matter now.
Either we unite under one nation or we splinter in to a pseudo sovereign void. Not about the left or the right anymore. You can't white wash a nation. We can destroy ourselves but we can't go back.
I get tired of trying to talk to people who will not listen. And the ones that do listen are just fed up. How much more can you take in one day? You can't keep ingesting negativity.
I don't want to. Not today.
Which is why the spirits and or random DNA cells allow for music. This is just a short clip from a performer named Gaby Moreno. She was busting serious vocals at Make Music Pasadena 2012.
I was across the street at Samy's Camera getting a new memory card. I walk out the door and I hear this voice booming from half a block away.
I mosey on over to Memorial Park and there she was blending that Guatemalan voice around blues licks from some African from long ago. The ugliness, stupidity and mendacity of the world no longer mattered.
We who heard her were bound in a place of music. No ID card required. For more information about Gaby you can visit her Facebook page.
Not sure I should be writing about this video. I'm not gay. I am not a male. Don't even live in San Francisco. But when did that stop anybody from putting their two cents in matters that peripherally concern them.
I do know other human beings attempt to hurt another because they are different. Too small. Too large Talk funny.
I know the power of words that can hurt, of punching used as a right of passage and the emotional pain that can be soul crushing. Ask anyone that had been bullied as a child. It does not take much to bring up the memories.They know what I am talking about.
So I am very interested in the It Gets Better video series. If it stops one teen or pre-teen from doing themselves in it works for me.
This is a video by the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus called Testimony.
It is only recently that I have slowly started talking about being bullied as a child.
It was bad.
Wait, there is no good form of being bullied.
I have since learned that other people had matches thrown on their hair or coats. Humiliated beyond measure with all kinds of stuff thrown on their bodes. And last, but not least, sanctioned shame.
Because if you tell some adults that you are indeed being victimized by a group of people most will tell you to "suck it up and get over it".
While you are standing in the middle of hell. You ask someone to help you and they are telling you to stand and continue to get burned. They say it is kid stuff. I am hear to tell you that kids can be vicious.
For me, I literally had to go ape shit crazy and beat someone up to get most of them off my back. It was a temporary solution. It wasn't in my nature but you hurt a person enough and one way or another they will find a solution.
Usually, a bad one. Suicide is a very bad solution. It doesn't matter who you are, it truly hurts those that are left behind.
I was a gentle person who learned to be defensive and non-trusting. "Suck it up" they say. The reality is that you never, ever get totally over it.
So, as a straight woman, as a person with a history that includes being bullied and as a fellow traveler on this road of life check I want to pass this video along to friends and acquaintances.
If you like the song and would like to own a legal copy then you can go to the Bandcamp page and download it. It would help the SFGMC chorus earn a little cash in the stash.
I'm not a blogging newbie. I was on the Internet before blogging was birthed.
I remember when I had to work in HTML and then FTP web pages up to the server only to find that I had goofed on something and had to do it all over again.
I learned things. How to stay out of old school chat rooms that were not moderated. How to write gender ambiguously so as not to have my words dismissed from jump street. To lurk and get the lay of the land to see if it was safe to be my authentic self.
Then came my own blog. Videoblogging. BlogHer. Care2 and so much more. And yet for umpteen years I've manage to miss the Blogging While Brown conference. Mainly due to distance and/or financial constrictions.
Not this time. I have my ticket and I am going!
Here is why:
When dumb ass clucks want to suggest that a black child in slavery is better off than a 21st century free person and a presidential candidate signs off with pride I need to go and anyone who wants to start a blog to do so.
I need to talk with progressive and conservative folks to find the common ground and not light firewalls of division. I'm looking for people open for a dialog. I might find a few at the conference.
I ain't entertaining stupid. I've had my fill of bone stupid people from either side.
I don't care if you write about make-up, sports, power tools or sweetness of Auntie Renee's tea we need thinking, content producing folks, now, right now and soon.
Critical thinkers, for the love of God get to typing!
The crazy has brook loose and starting to multiply. All hands on deck.
I'm thinking that I need to go some place else. Do something different. I don't necessarily want to take a typical vacation.
I don't want to jump bungee of a bridge either.
I like the idea of a learning retreat. Then again I like the idea of going to a total new city and taking a photography or video workshop. Maybe to New Mexico or Washington State.
I don't know.
I do know that re-creation is important. I'm almost but not quite burned out.
There are a lot of "I" in the above sentence. This is a good thing. I'm usually thinking of what others require of me. What do I have to do to honor my obligations?
The obligations are wearing me down. I've been burnt out before and it takes way too long to recover.
I speak from experience. It is much better to not let it get to that point.
I have written posts about civility at BlogHer. At BlogHer10 we had a panel on How to Start, Engage in and Moderate Civil Political Debate because we wanted to be a place where folks could talk without poison or ranker to overtake valid differences of opinion.
People from diverse backgrounds have spoken of this need for civil discourse as well. We continue to do so because we did not want to see a day like this happen. We tried to tell people there is a better way to get your point across than verbally assaulting and damning groups of people, beliefs/non-beliefs and ideas.
And yet as I type this there are people trying to white wash what has been said, printed and recorded from the past few years as "Oh no, we didn't say that." or "Show me proof that my __________ had anything to do with the death of a nine-year old child."
Other people will present the idea that it was just a mad man, a crazy person who did this horrible thing. This event had nothing to do with what they are talking about or their concerns about the direction of the country.
Bullshit.
Yeah, I am still too angry to write what I truly want to say. I do believe in civility, civil discourse and healthy debate.
But I am a human being too. I have such anger against those people, corporations, political groups and media companies that profited from hate speech.
Blood money taken in pride of advancing their agenda. My anger does nothing to help but it does need to be expressed.
Because once I understand and focus my anger into positive energy only then can I see, express and provide resources that will take us from the darkness into the light.
My neighbors are whooping it up in celebration which makes it hard to be in a contemplative mood. Can't blame them and who am I to tell folks not to sing and dance.
Pema Chodron is a teacher who can explain ancient wisdom for western ears.
Anyway, I'd thought I would share some stuff from Sounds True. Sounds True is a place where you can find inspirational talks and teachings from a variety of disciplines. It is a commercial business but that business is helping others find healing tools and techniques for living.
I have a subscription on iTunes and recently there are a few video excerpts that I think folks would be interested in checking out.
My head hurts. It has been a week of media personalities, companies and politicians acting badly. What is the difference between this week and any other?
There are some potentially unintended repercussions. At this point, it almost does not matter. I think I have an ache in my heart too. When I was thinking out the video of the week it didn't take long for me to remember this stunner from 1984. The band is Frankie Goes to Hollywood and this is Two Tribes.
I am a passionate believer of freedom of speech. I have found myself supporting really noxious people because no matter their behavior people still have the right to voice an opinion, a thought or a feeling.
There are exceptions. There are situations where I'd be the first to say go get the plank. I'm not sure that this is one of those times.
I am not a fan of Juan Williams. I don't seek out his reporting or commontary. If I heard him on NPR Weekend Edition I tended to tune him out within a minute of his analysis.
I don't watch commercial television anymore but if I did I sure as hell would not watch FOX News. Ain't that much antacid in the world.
And yet. There was a wrong done here. I don't think he should have been fired.
Yes, he should catch all the heat and borne the responsibilities of making those comments.
I am not supporting what he said. Nope, never and uh-uh. Bill O'Reilly said the similar things on ABC's The View. He still has his job. Rush says it as his mantra and clocks dollars by the second.
You can take to the bank that if a thought begins with "I'm not a bigot" you have got a problem. Remove the word Muslim and exchange it with Black, African-American, Woman, or any other descriptor of "the other."
Hey Juan, it was a fear based bigoted remark. Don't matter how many other people you think feel that way. It doesn't matter how nice you put it was a bigoted remark just the same. You can be exceedingly polite and still hurt a group of people.
I think I need medicine for the pain. Here is the thing. Mr. Williams was giving his opinion on how he felt on an airplane. His personal opinion. He has the right of the expression of that opinion.
Even if I disagree with it. We all have that right. That right is not negotiable.
Now free speech ain't free. You say it, you own it. It can cost you a job. It can separate you from friends and family. That is also a part of the freedom. The responsibility of honoring and speaking your words can get you into trouble.
Do you mean those word enough to stand by what you said? Are you willing to listen as other tell you that perhaps you are wrong, misguided or a bonehead?
Or do you suck up in glory how great you are when people who agree with you co-sign and lift you up as the poster child of clarity.
All of that is included in the freedom.
There is more to this story but it is beltway journalism. It is the part that I'll never know. Not sure I'm that interested. Juan Williams will do fine. I heard he just got hired at FOX News full time.
To each his own.
I do care about the future of NPR. I care that conservatives and extremists are salivating that this is a good time as any to remove any government funding of NPR and PBS.
Again.
I care that KCET, Los Angeles will no longer be a PBS television station as of January 1, 2011. I really care that this might give ideas to other PBS stations that want to leave and give it a go on their own.
If that happens we will lose an imperfect but necessary resource for community information, both local and international. If it is true that they do want to communicate with and work with the independent creative community in Los Angeles that would be great.
Not sure the corporate foundation supporters are gonna like it so much. True independent media that might have something to say about what is happening in Los Angeles. We all have cameras now.
It is too much. My head hurts some more. I need to Relax.
This is the uncensored version that I didn't know about. There are no 100% nekid people but there is a pound of leather, a tiger and well, happy men. If happy men dancing horizontally and vertically bothers you don't watch the video.
We will survive if we can endure. I wish I could have told that those young souls who ended their lives because of bullies. Suicide is not a good option. It is final but the pain that is left behind for others to carry is too much.
There are people that want to do better but first, a musical interlude to mellow us out after a tragic week that will pass into time but not without a handkerchief of tears.
This is Chantay Savage with her rendition of I Will Survive (Doing it My Way)
If you never experienced being bullied as a child or a teen you really don't understand. There are adults who call it teasing, kids being kids or any other word used to explain away one or more people targeting another person.
Age is not an excuse. Youth is not an excuse. We've had elementary school students tease other children into suicide. There is something profoundly wrong here.
If you have never had 15 kids make fun of you in stereo then you do not know what hell on earth is like.
It can be physical. Verbal. It can be emotional. It can be a two for one deal that last for years. Let me emphasis that last part, "for years." That is after you tell the parents, after you tell the teacher, the principle and any other adult.
Some adults will act and some will tell you to suck it up or fight back. Some of the incompetent adults will laugh and join in on the attack because unbeknown to the young person an internal cage is being rattled.
Adults who hear stories of young suicides ask how did their pain get bad? Because the student in question had no place or person they could turn as a resource. There is embedded sexism, homophobia and all kinds of sanctioned body abuse.
Sustained abuse is either internalized, reciprocated or medicated. Death is the ultimate pain killer. Seriously, don't do drugs and don't kill yourself. Survival and Coping
We as straight, gay, lesbian, transgendered, queer and asexual adults have to put out more emergency soul repair kits and mental life rafts.
We have the power to inform and counteract the negativity and the misinformation.
I like Dan Savage's idea about creating a video channel telling gay youth that there is another side if they can hang on because it does Get Better.
The Twitter hastags #stayalive#itgetsbetter has some good idea such as the repetition of the suicide prevention hot line for LGBTQ youth 886-488-7386. Other folks are offering coping ideas, music and resources.
It doesn't matter to me if you are a teen or an older person trying to hold on praying expectantly or holding on 'til your change shall come.
It might mean actively looking for positive mentors. Artists, poets, dancers, sports folks. It might mean reading or searching for your historical pathfinders to figure out how they moved forward.
Well, it is almost done, this summer. The Los Angeles drivers are hell bent for leather this weekend, as in if you are a pedestrian you are at extreme risk, even when crossing at a green light.
There is enough cheap gas to make them forget about conservation or frugality. They are wired for the internal mantra "We just gotta get away." If, as I witnessed, one of them rascals in a VW almost side swiped a Metro bus to do it then so be it.
I came home to a Post-It note with three questions with Bible verse answers stuck on my door. Dude must have seen my tweet from early this morning from Pascal:
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction."
I can see that the campaign to Christ-up this nation is in full effect. As I have said before, the Christ Jesus and I have a working non-aggression agreement.
I try hard not to blame him or any of his authorized representatives for the actions of some of the dumb ass clucks claiming to be Christian and he loves me enough to let me go my own way.
I'm trying to hold to the spirit of the agreement but God knows I've had problems with my vocabulary and faith. I got so angry at some cruel faith based statement of idiocy that I had to take a double dose of Rumi's poetry just to settle me down be remotely civil.
Yeah.
Love that Rumi.
Not a great week but better than the last one. So to the hurtful disagreeable people who might find themselves in an uncomfortable situation and seek a balm I submit to your attention a young vocalist who has potential.
Cry me a river babe.
To the rest of you this is a reminder that sometimes we need to touch our inner spark. That sometimes can happen when we take a peep over at someone else displaying his or her spark.
One of the things that I appreciate in a good web site or blog is the opportunity to find different voices and ideas about a topic.
It is far better to know want to know what other people think and believe about a topic. Being smug and correct is a good way to get your feelings hurt down the line.
This is a clip from the Change Agents: How to Start, Engage in and Moderate Civil Political Debate session at BlogHer 2010 in New York City. The panelists are Denise Tanton, Pam Spaulding and Suzanne Fortin.
How could I not share a video about stoop sitting? It is practically a dying art form with everybody glaring into glass and plastic squares. I didn't do this video. It is from a production company called Everynone.
Sitting out on the stoop is deceptive to the casual observer. Much is happening while appearing to do nothing.
For example, those that occupy their stoops during the day know exactly what is going on in the neighborhood. Daytime artisans of the stoop know which husband is creeping with a certain non-wife from around the corner. They know who belongs on the block and who does not.
Going through MLC? There is a place for you on somebody's stoop. Heartbreak? That will get you a rickety chair and a confidential section on the porch connected to the stoop.
Professionals sitters on the stoop know when the excessively faithful bible thumpers are about to walk up the block. This might precipitate the sitters temporary removal from the stoop with a bang from the screen door. This early alarm system is equally effective for the gas man and other public utility collection agents as well.
(Banging the screen door is only to be used by trained professionals. People under 18 are prohibited from banging the screen door.)
Brick and mortar stoop watchers are a time honored news and information exchange service. Tidbits, facts and straight-up gossip are collected and filtered for prime juicy storytelling.
Yes indeed. I have had old school rump rot listening to people on my mother's porch yack it up in the dusk of day. Especially the hot summer evenings where their was no air conditioners, just fans.
It was much too hot to be indoors. If it wasn't the movies or a walk around the block you generally wound up on the stoop. Tempers were defused or lit. A lot of ice tea was swirled in jam jar glasses. Card games, music, laughter.
Tears. Those too.
These days all I have is some instant Green tea. Well, it is the thought that counts. I will go mix up a batch in honor of memories of days gone by.
I tell you, this day felt like 17 hours long. Everybody was twitchy trying to make it to closing time. Crossing the street was a death defying adventure.
I have one of two theories.
1. There are more color blind drivers that cannot see the color green as in "Dufus I'm crossing at a green light, why are you honking at me during your rolling stop?"
or
2. The loss of civility is the next sign of a dying culture.
There will be art. There will be music from people I have never heard of and that is wonderful.
I never heard of Matt and Kim. I like the percussive energy in this video. I like even better free music on multiple stages around the city AND inside of the Pasadena ARTS shuttles.
This idea is so cool. Acoustic musicians will play for passengers. This is gonna confuse the hell out of the regulars but shaking up the system is good for the soul. Unless somebody tries to play "Feelings" on the Fair Oaks shuttle.
So not a good idea.
I spent all day wishing it was over so I could get on to Saturday. I need to just be and see the rest of the world without filters. Without obligations. Roam if I want to.
As a public service reminder, Pasadena Traffic enforcement is no joke. If they could slap a ticket on the Metro Gold Line they would.
Park where you know you can get to the meter just before time runs out.
If the meter seems to be broke, do not park in that spot. It is a ticket trap. The city says that if the meter is broken you are not supposed to park in that spot. There is no sign. There is no warning. Bupkis. You are expected to know that obscure city code.
The city will slap a ticket on your car for parking at a busted meter. And then you will want to go upside someone's head like Kim does on the drums.
Don't do it though. Positive vibes. Park in San Gabriel and take Foothill Transit. Or take the Metro Gold Line and hop on and off the shuttles. You could also walk. It is a concept that will come into its own someday in Southern California.
Good things can happen in Pasadena. Walking into Beany’s for a croissant is one of them. Support your independent vendors I say. Yep. I put it to you this way; across the street at Starbucks people sit at tables and glare into their cell phones; even the couples. Spooky.
At Beany’s real people talk at tables without the aid of electronic devices. I’m not saying don’t walk into a chain store. I’m saying consider places that make you feel comfortable enough that you don’t need the freaking phone to make you feel secure.
I am secure that Beany’s has better pastries than Starbucks. This is relevant because I don’t drink coffee.
Anyway, before I could go get my croissant I saw this guy at the table. The guy said “Hi” and sounded like he meant it. I said “Hi” back as I checked out the table to determine if this was animal, vegetable or psycho-political.
Usually the psycho-political don’t talk to me but mistakes happen.
I am buying my croissant and I hear him outside give his pitch about traveling the world, writing books and raising money for a writing project for his students. Getting students to voluntarily read and write?
What can I do to help?
I got my stuff and had a conversation with Ross. Not only do I support independent vendors I have an obligation to help support independent and self-publishing authors. Someday I could be one of them which is why I’m fixating on the iPad/tablet publishing opportunities but that is another topic.
Where was I?
Oh yeah. Writers and artists who sell at tables fall in one of two camps. Camp No. 1 is “Please buy my book or art but don’t talk to me.”
Or Camp No. 2 “I’m open, I really do like people. Please buy my book or art and come talk to me, for a bit.”
From what I could see Ross was doing ok for a June gloom Saturday morning. Colorado and Los Robles is not an easy corner to pitch literary and artistic woo. I bought the book Circle Earth and the passage I like so far is:
Jan 14
Travel is a high like falling in love, like finding God. It teaches one to smile with the light from one’s eyes. It reminds “Hey, you can do anything.”
Page 98 Circle Earth, A Sketchbook, A Journal Ross Anthony
People underestimate the meaning of family and community. We are separated by body but we have connections to dozens of people, real and imaginary that we don't know.
When we hear of their passing we take a moment to say "Damn, really? I liked that person." Not that is not a bad thing to say.
It is far better to say that than "They can't dig deep enough to bury that SOB!"
Rue McClanahan lived to be 76 years old. Had a job on one of the best sitcoms on television as the sassy Blanche on Golden Girls. Reminded all of us that there is a chapter two, three and seven if you are willing to turn the page.
K.T. Oslen is another good old girl who sings the way that Blanche would appreciate. I think Rue would like it too. Yes, there are those among us who have fell for Silver Tongue and Gold Plated Lies but we scraped the dust off and kept on moving to better days.
We don't expect to go down this way but we will. With certain types of celebrities we know and don't know the real person.
Those of us who grew up with Gary Coleman knew he was a child actor. We knew that he got shanked in life by the financial mismanagement of people that should have known better or made an effort to do better.
To be honest, we culturally laughed at him. Sometimes we were confused at his attempt to earn a living. Some of us understood that he was doing the best he could under impossible circumstances. I think maybe his adult life was spent trying to find a place where he belonged.
But I don't know that. It is the Spackle I mental apply when don't know the totality of this man's life. I hope his last days were peaceful and happy.
