I was suspended between a sharp pain and the need to get home. I'm doing the body inventory as cars whip past me. Decisions have to be made quickly.
I can stand? Yes.
I can walk? Yes.
Does it hurt? Oh yes.
There is a meditation technique where you acknowledge the pain but you don't feed into it. Slow deliberate steps. Gentle breathing out. Outlining where the pain is and isn't. Sending loving kindness to the areas that hurt and not cussing myself out that I tried to push too much stuff.
Walking actually helps reduce the pain but I'm not a big fan of pain in the first place.
So here I am. Home. In a chair trying to figure out my next move.
Last night I had old food in the fridge which is more like a chiller but not really. I had leftovers that should have been tossed.
|No, it looks nothing like this. I'd love it if it did.|
I ate them.
From midnight to 4:33 a.m. I regretted it deeply.
Only I made fast deliberate steps to the bathroom. Letting go at both ends. Trying to figure out what I did to get into this space. I got my answer around 2:30ish when I remembered that I need to pay more attention to my doubts.
Not good at that either but getting better. I don't ask Spirit to take it away from me any longer. I just want to survive it so I don't do it again.
Trash bags are standing by.