She had sparkle blue finger nails and blue crocs. The words came gushing out like a faucet about how she was homeless for a couple of years and now she is not.
How she picks the wrong men because they are exciting but regrets it afterwards cuz they are nuts, and have, in her much cleaned up words, small equipment. How 67 is not too old for Bestey Johnson attire.
There was a lot more but you get the drift. This is a woman with a life that is parked to the side.
I am reminded that all forms of crazy are not bad. Life is to be lived and not always suffered through.
There has got to be some fun and joy in it or damnation what is the point?
I met a Debbie Downer days earlier and there is toxicity in communicating with people like that; everything is lousy, everything is rigged, there is no hope only compliance.
Blah.
I was thinking about Madam Blue as I was going through my day at the Salt Mine. I was seeing my own constrictions of L7.
I grow tired of wearing the mask of conformity yet I'll never get tired of having a roof over my head. Not proud of myself but I understand why I am doing what I am doing.
I also keep reminding myself that I will be back in the wild, one way or another.
Transition or Jump?
It is my choice.
Gena, I love reading your post and felt a need to comment as someone who spent many years wearing the mask because I too wanted the roof over my head. I, of course had choices, we all do, but I wanted the security of the income. I could finally shed the mask and become who I want to be when the university encouraged all grey hairs to retire. I jumped at the chance and never looked back, but I can enjoy this phase of being only because I put up with the daily chore of being at work. Hold on and please keep sharing. Mary
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. The mask can make you snippy, mean or worse, apathetic. I don't want that to happen to me or anyone.
DeleteIt is a challenging time but I guess it always is for each person on the planet. Holding on and plan expectantly.