Friday, September 10, 2010

Blood On the Saddle on the Finally Friday Freakout

This week I have mentally been Xena, Warrior Princess. I have been the Hulk without David Banner's control. I have been Thinker when I could get a word in edgewise. Mainly I have been the imaginary great, great, great-granddaughter of Walter Mitty.

The visualizations have been astounding. There was blood in the saddle. There was blood on the ground. Hey, that might make a catchy song!

Courtesy of Mr. Tex Ritter here is his rendition of that most expressive tune.

Culturally I am not supposed to talk about blood in the saddle. I'm not even supposed to admit that I have emotions because that would mark me as a female and, as some jerk face men will tell you, a female is nothing but emotions and no logic or reason.

And good help us if I talk about spherical contractions of the painful kind. The truth is that a new body is emerging. Like a teen I am caught betwixt and between.

I have a evolutionary two for one deal going on and it is not fair!

Getting menstruation was a picnic compare to this stuff. A pain hit one week a month until I was old enough to buy a small can of Pina Colada to chill out the ovaries.

Lawd, I miss those days. Now one day it is "Buy me ice cream!" or "I want the extra garlic shrimp with the veggies and the noodles oh can I also have that entire soy sauce soaked chicken too?"

The answer is no. The internal parent knows she can't let the inner child stuff herself without repercussions the next day.

The internal parent is a drag, man.

She won't let me drink, she moderates what I eat and dang if she don't have something to say about my bedtime. I freaking gotta bank hours to do stuff or there is a power drain switch she has rigged to force compliance.

Let's not talk about the internal teen age wild woman of Wongo. Or Sargent Slaughterina. Especially not Sargent Slaughterina.

If you will excuse me, I am going to whip up a peach smoothie. I will try to visually it being one scoop of Black Cherry Vanilla and one scoop Chunky Monkey. With a side order of Pad Thai and some BBQ Ribs.

But first as Queen of All She Sees I have to re-align the business sector of the U.S. to provide total production and employment and at the same time re-nurture the planet by having all commit to loving and protecting earth.

After my intergalactic mission of course, where I find the kind parental aliens with the mind ray to help me force compliance and help me deal with the ethical questions.

Yeah. I know.

I have to say, it isn't boring. Challenging, but never boring.

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