Sunday, February 11, 2007

Musings at the Laundry Mat of Life - Cycle 1

In his book "The Art of Loving" Erich Fromm wrote:

"Genuine love is an expression of productiveness and implies care, respect, responsibility and knowledge. It is not an "affect" in the sense of being affected by somebody, but an active striving for the growth and happiness of the loved person, rooted in one's own capacity to love." Page 54

So, in my understanding of this passage another person can't really love you unless they have the capacity and the goodies inside to love his or herself.

And on the other side of the fence if you don't have any of that going for you then you will probably search for substitutes. Like Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream. Or 50 pairs of shoes. Or a Fuji S5200 digital camera. Or, I dunno like maybe, sex?

Every once in a while is fine. But when it becomes your sole prime motivation in life?

If you are sexing up to fill a missing part of your being or trying to treat for body companionship then it will feel good. It might feel okay. It might feel bad.

Pick one or all of the above. This is not a trick question. You really do have to like who you are on a primary level of existence. For some of you you are gonna want it on a spiritual level. Atheists I'm not letting you off the hook - on a humanist's level you have to like you.

(Psst, if you like yourself it keeps you from doing x-amount of dumb ass shit. Can save you a boat load of money too.)

If you know this stuff, cool I'll dig you later. Based on the poor souls of the prior post and in the news I don't think enough people believe this so I want to make sure this seed is planted somewhere.

To be clear, I'm not advocating selfishness. There are way too many self indulgent fools on the planet. I'm advocating a core love and respect for yourself because if we as women folk (and the people that like and love us) don't have it then really bad things tend to happen to us. Really embarrassing, horrible, pride sucking bad things.

So the first cycle is self-love. How you come to find it within your self is your journey. Me? I find great healing in a bubble bath.

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1 comment:

  1. You state a wise insight discerning between selfishness and self care. That is a hard one for so many of us.

    I think Carol Gilligan's stage theories for the moral development of women is interesting.

    She describes how women tend to develop from selfishness ---> responsibility to others ---> self sacrifice ---> self care ---> the principle of nonviolence: "do no harm to self or others".