Friday, December 19, 2008

Honey Cone on the Finally Friday Freakout

California unemployment is kicking near 8%. Many people are looking for work and it is a little hard to find. Those at work are exercising maximum CYA activities and cutting back on the Chai Tea Latte. Yes, there are many whose nerves are twitching as they keep an eagle eye attention for the appearance of pink slips and cardboard boxes.

Fear not, there is always somebody who want you. Edna Wright, Carolyn Willis, and Shelly Clark aka Honey Cone in 1971's Want Ads.

Warning, If You Love This Time of Year Read No Further!

I need to confess. I really, really don't like Christmas music. Except for the Snoopy Dance song aka Linus and Lucy by Vince Guaraldi. I love that thing but it technically isn't a Christmas song.

The rest of that crap? Nuke it! 24 hours of mush. In every store, in places it got no business being like walking by a Quickie Lube joint and there is Bing singing about White Christmas in sunny California. Again. Or hearing the Little Drummer Boy blaring out of Victoria's Secret. That is just wrong.

Ok, before you light the torches on me let me try to explain this revulsion. If this is about the birth of the Christ Jesus then should there be mention of him every once in a while?

And I'm not even Christian. I'm a 2nd class Heathen and proud of it but dang all of the radio stations are playing Christmas music without any Christ in it. Ok, the actual Christian radio stations probably are playing context appropriate music.

I have a mutual non-aggression treaty with CJ that says I'm not to blame him for stuff people do in his name in exchange of a semblance of civility. I can't listen to most of that music and be expected to remain civil. It is just blah to my ears.

The second thing that makes me loopy is ok, you only want to play secular Christmas music. Fine. There has got to be more that 10 songs that you can play. Damnation if it ain't something white, chestnuts roasting or "baby it's cold outside"; which I don't get the connection to Christmas unless we are going the fertility route and last I heard there was no tactile hanky panky involved in this particular event.

For the love of God can't they play newly written Christmas music? One new song an hour, is that too much to ask? One song that hasn't been heard or variation of the same 10 freaking songs played for the last 40 years?

My third and finally rant. People who work in places where you can't turn off the music or radio. There is no way to ask if they could please not turn up their favorite songs. Or I'm in the store trying to find something for dinner and that frigging "sleigh bells ring are you listening? is coming out of the store speakers"

No, I am not listening. Not when I have to decide between the 30% markdown and the 55% marked down chicken. I just don't want to walk in a winter wonderland. Did you ever have to try to get to work in said winter wonderland? Ice burns on your knees ain't all the fun it is cracked up to be, let me tell you.

I have hit a toxic level and I need it to be 26th. Ok, I'm going to put on my meditation tape now. I'm not a bad person, really. But when the day comes when the music dies, let Christmas music be the first to go.

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