Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Guilt of Finding Somebody to Love

On this day of commerce inspired reflections on love I first offer a musical interlude:

It has been a hard week for single women. Name calling, back-bitting and comparisons with bovine animals have been suggested. It is nothing new, let's call this round 98,343 in the "My Life Didn't Turn Out Like I Planned So I Blame The Women's Movement."

Lori Gottlieb wrote a column for the Atlantic Magazine about her desire to have a husband and kids. Nothing unusual about that, many folks want to have that experience. Got no problem with people wanting to be good parents.

It was the reasons she listed and the conclusions she derived from her experience that had folks banging their heads up against the wall. You'll have to go over that web site cuz I'm not going to interpret what she said for you. You have to come to your own understanding.

Ok, maybe one thing. On page three of the web article. If I wanted to date and I wanted to have a kid I need to make choices. If my desire to have a kid is stronger than the desire to date and find a guy then I have to accept all of the responsibilities for that choice.

What got my head rattling was that she chose to have the baby first. Ok, you are now a single parent. What part of parent did you not understand? You are going to be tired, time challenged and you might not smell that good either.

With a new baby you are not going to have the energy or time to date a guy. Did you not understand that? I'm a single woman with no kids and I understand that you can't put the kid on the shelf and then party on like nothing happened. You made a frigging choice! A decision.

Not as you said you had too many choices, you made this specific choice. And there are consequences that you will have to deal with for the next 18-21 years.

Aggh! My head hurts. Oh, yeah at the beginning of the article. Straight up No, I ain't dating no guy with halitosis. I ain't that needy. How do you kiss a guy with profound bad breath? Ain't no bank account big enough for me to approach him with a smile. There are things that are non-negotiable and that is one of them.

The inability to communicate verbally is another. I don't do grunts, snorts and "whatever".

Oh, and I am not so fearful about my future that I would sell my body for financial security. No knocking those that do, that is your business but she was advocating other women to consider it. That is my interpretation anyway. And to financially exploit men for your emotional needs, lordzy where do I begin with that one?

There have been responses. There is a doozy of one at Feministring which is a response to a conservative group perception of what feminist women have done to V-Day.

Even the some of the men folks are a little stirred up. Go read Lance's post on this.

I would be ticked too, being hunted by a bunch of disgruntled sperm snatcher money grubbing bio-clocks waiting to explode (My words on this particular concept and not of any actual living person).

It is too late for me. I was told years ago that I had a better chance being hit by a car, bus, boat and plane that to expect that anyone would love me once I crossed 30. I proved the f--ckers wrong but where do I go for the retraction?

So do the best you can. Own up to your choices. Marry. Don't Marry. Have premarital nookie. Or not. Like He-Man said, You Have the Power!

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